致我這部劇中最?lèi)?ài)的cpRULES 刷完全劇，真的很喜歡朱爾斯和魯這對(duì)。她們之間的感情可以說(shuō)是全劇中最特別的。朱爾斯和魯之間有過(guò)不少親密的行為，經(jīng)常抱在一起睡覺(jué)，會(huì)親吻，會(huì)彼此告白。她們之間的愛(ài)純粹無(wú)邪，大概也是目前劇里唯一沒(méi)有做過(guò)的一對(duì)cp，這也說(shuō)明了她們之間關(guān)系的特殊性。就如瑪?shù)纤f(shuō)，親吻更加糟糕，因?yàn)樗茸鰫?ài)更加親密。 THE FIRST

魯?shù)谝淮挝侵鞝査?。?dāng)時(shí)兩人因?yàn)榫W(wǎng)友的事鬧了小矛盾，魯主動(dòng)去朱爾斯家求和好。在魯聲淚俱下的“控訴”中，兩人抱在了一起重歸于好。她們額頭碰在一起，朱爾斯對(duì)魯說(shuō)： “我厭棄世人，唯獨(dú)喜歡你?！?/p>

在這種曖昧的氛圍里，魯情不自禁地主動(dòng)吻了一下朱爾斯，然后心虛地在朱爾斯震驚的眼神下落荒而逃。魯是害怕的。她害怕會(huì)因?yàn)檫@個(gè)行為失去朱爾斯，此前朱爾斯是表現(xiàn)出喜歡男性的。盡管她深深地喜歡著朱爾斯，但也在后悔自己過(guò)分的舉動(dòng)會(huì)傷害到她們之間的關(guān)系。

但朱爾斯其實(shí)并沒(méi)有像魯想的那樣排斥那個(gè)吻。在特別篇中，她相反說(shuō)過(guò)很多次都想親吻魯，甚至早在她們相識(shí)的第一晚，當(dāng)兩個(gè)人那樣靜靜地看著彼此的時(shí)候。

第一個(gè)吻是她們彼此之間的試探。魯在試探朱爾斯會(huì)不會(huì)因?yàn)檫@個(gè)吻而丟下她，朱爾斯則雖然震驚，但她心里并沒(méi)有因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)吻而對(duì)魯有什么意見(jiàn)，相反，她更堅(jiān)定了那個(gè)想法：別失去她。 THE SECOND

嘉年華。朱爾斯和魯熱烈地?fù)肀г谝黄穑數(shù)拿妹靡谎劭雌铺鞕C(jī)：“我覺(jué)得魯愛(ài)上了朱爾斯。”果然知姐莫若妹。

朱爾斯在被網(wǎng)友泰勒的真面目傷害到了后，想到的第一件事就是去找魯尋求安慰。她穿著魯?shù)囊路?，兩人躺在床上抱在了一起。BGM響起，鏡頭在當(dāng)前與以往轉(zhuǎn)換。終于朱爾斯摸著魯?shù)哪橆a，主動(dòng)親吻了魯，兩人相擁而吻。

終于朱爾斯也向魯表達(dá)了自己的態(tài)度。

THE THIRD

聚會(huì)那天，朱爾斯?jié)M懷心事，喝了很多酒。魯看在眼里但也不想過(guò)問(wèn)。在泳池里，朱爾斯對(duì)魯念著羅密歐與朱麗臺(tái)詞，魯勸她停下，卻被一把拽進(jìn)了泳池，兩人在水中接吻。魯?shù)男那閰s更加沉重了。

不是所有的吻都是甜蜜的。

ELSE 精神層面外。

朱爾斯在城里認(rèn)識(shí)了一個(gè)女孩安娜，然后她們上床了。從這里開(kāi)始，朱爾斯開(kāi)始接受女性之間的親密。在這期間場(chǎng)景變換，朱爾斯看到了安娜，看到了奈特，最后魯出現(xiàn)了。

而在特別篇中朱爾斯也談到過(guò)她幻想的最棒的性愛(ài)，在那期間一切都是模糊的?？床灰?jiàn)那個(gè)人的臉，但有一個(gè)人是明確的：魯。魯總是游離在朱爾斯與那人之外，就是那樣靜靜地、冷漠地看著他們。朱爾斯向她伸出手，喊著魯?shù)拿?。最后朱爾斯達(dá)到了極致，睜開(kāi)眼睛，叫出來(lái)的名字是：“魯?！?這是朱爾斯對(duì)魯?shù)母星榈囊粋€(gè)升華。最開(kāi)始她只和男性約炮，想借助男性來(lái)突出自己的女性特征，從未和女性有過(guò)親密接觸。但最后，無(wú)論是親吻還是親密關(guān)系，她心里想到的，只有魯。

ALL 橫亙?cè)趦扇酥g的是毒品。 朱爾斯厭惡毒品，一方面魯答應(yīng)戒毒很大程度是因?yàn)樽约?，所以朱爾斯時(shí)常覺(jué)得壓力很大。另一方面因?yàn)樗?jīng)帶走了自己的母親，而她害怕魯對(duì)于毒品的上癮最終會(huì)把她從自己身邊帶走。這也體現(xiàn)在朱爾斯幻想的兩人的共同生活，可能有一天魯會(huì)因?yàn)槎酒范x開(kāi)了她。只要想到這里，朱爾斯就心痛不已。而在魯?shù)臉?gòu)想里，她們?cè)谝黄鸬纳罾锎_實(shí)也包含毒品。 但關(guān)于毒品與朱爾斯，魯早就做出了明確的選擇：朱爾斯。朱爾斯說(shuō)，你要是再吸毒我就不和你玩了。魯答應(yīng)了她。對(duì)于魯而言，朱爾斯是一種新型毒品，比魯以往所接觸過(guò)的更要讓她上癮，第一次嘗到就再也離不開(kāi)。就像魯?shù)谝淮卧谲?chē)上見(jiàn)到朱爾斯，就再也無(wú)法挪開(kāi)視線(xiàn)。

魯對(duì)于朱爾斯的感情毋庸置疑。她會(huì)經(jīng)常在家人面前談起魯，在朱爾斯表現(xiàn)出喜歡其他人時(shí)會(huì)吃醋

會(huì)想著朱爾斯自慰，對(duì)于朱爾斯的主動(dòng)會(huì)有些慌張

朱爾斯也是喜歡魯?shù)?。沒(méi)有一個(gè)人像魯那樣看她，也也從沒(méi)有女孩和朱爾斯有過(guò)那么多親密的舉動(dòng)。朱爾斯會(huì)很開(kāi)心魯在家人面前提到過(guò)自己，會(huì)陪魯一起在嘴唇里紋她們的cp名RULES

會(huì)一眼看穿魯吃醋，每次談?wù)摰紧敹紩?huì)忍不住地笑。和心理醫(yī)生談到魯時(shí)原本嚴(yán)肅的面孔忍不住洋溢著笑容，并且承認(rèn)自己徹底愛(ài)上了魯。魯問(wèn)她愛(ài)她嗎的時(shí)候也笑著回答說(shuō)當(dāng)然。

毒品是其中的變數(shù)了，也不知道第二季會(huì)有什么樣的展開(kāi)??

好喜歡在最后一集的聚會(huì)上，朱爾斯問(wèn)魯為什么不吻她。 魯:“‘我吻了?！?朱爾斯:“為什么你不深情吻我？” 魯:“你想我深情吻你嗎？” 朱爾斯:“我要你別問(wèn)，直接上?！?然后魯沉默了。（看到這里我恨不得附身魯去吻朱爾斯！你倒是上啊魯?。?/p>

第二季RULES一定要在一起啊！??

舊時(shí)躁郁，對(duì)此段頗有共鳴，不禁淚目。

如小蕓媽在信中寫(xiě)到的： “看不見(jiàn)她媽媽?zhuān)职只蛎妹茫€不足以形容一個(gè)人獨(dú)處，那些恐慌發(fā)作時(shí)，情緒起伏時(shí)，困惑時(shí)，紛亂無(wú)序時(shí)，還有那些不只對(duì)你，也對(duì)她自己發(fā)的怒?！?/p>

我們?yōu)榇丝嗫鄴暝?，也因此深感無(wú)能為力。曾懦弱的想要躲避傷痛，藏起來(lái)；也曾莽勇的想過(guò)粉碎情緒，戰(zhàn)勝它。最后，我們都不約而同的，選擇與自己和解，與那些說(shuō)不清道不明的紛亂情緒、不知該如何解答的無(wú)序思緒，和平共處，學(xué)會(huì)平靜。

失眠了一整晚又刷了一遍?？此品攀幟訝€的高中生活背后實(shí)則隱藏著無(wú)數(shù)支離破碎的家庭，無(wú)聲的暴力在每個(gè)人年輕的心靈中種下了種子。這種子隨著年齡的增長(zhǎng)慢慢在心中發(fā)芽，這過(guò)程中種子缺少陽(yáng)光和水，長(zhǎng)成某些扭曲的植物；也就是說(shuō)他們?nèi)鄙僬嬲?，健康的關(guān)心和愛(ài)。

而每個(gè)少年只是在尋找愛(ài)的路上走的有點(diǎn)偏了，毒癮，約炮，操縱與被操縱，但這只是一顆顆渴望被愛(ài)的心。在人們都深陷自己的泥潭時(shí)，互舔傷口則顯得更加動(dòng)人，就如在貧瘠的沙漠里找水，在枯萎的樹(shù)上尋找鮮果。這種情感流動(dòng)中有一種病態(tài)與脆弱的糾纏，但是在結(jié)尾也不失穿過(guò)烏云望彩虹的希望。

感覺(jué)編劇真的很厲害，可以把這些畸形的情感拿捏的如此準(zhǔn)確和刻骨銘心，當(dāng)然我也在里面或多或少看見(jiàn)了自己。兩年前第一次看的時(shí)候，Jue被黑幫大佬強(qiáng)行喂毒high了之后說(shuō)I’m so happy，F(xiàn)ez在一旁守著她，我哭了很久。

年少缺失的愛(ài)，先要用很多很多似愛(ài)非愛(ài)的東西填補(bǔ)，再要用很久很久找回來(lái)。

曾經(jīng)的我 幸福滿(mǎn)足 I was once happy, content, 徜徉在只屬于我的羊水之中 sloshing around in my own private, primordial pool. 結(jié)果有一天 由于不可抗拒的因素 Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, 我母親萊絲麗的子宮 I was repeatedly crushed... 一次又一次對(duì)我殘忍地施加壓力 over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Leslie. 我頑強(qiáng)地抵抗了 卻終敵不過(guò)大自然 I put up a good fight, but I lost, 這是我人生第一次敗仗 之后更是節(jié)節(jié)敗退

我厭棄所有人 除了你 I hate everyone else in the world but you.

茱爾絲 你自殘嗎 And, Jules, do you self-injure? 事實(shí)上 茱爾絲討厭自己 The truth was, Jules hated herself. 她討厭自己大腦的運(yùn)作方式 She hated how her brain worked... 她的大腦會(huì)因一個(gè)想法而卡住 the way it would get stuck on a thought, 從而噎到自己 like choking. 專(zhuān)注于當(dāng)下 All right. Keep present. 大腦會(huì)陷入無(wú)盡的循環(huán) And it would just play on an infinite loop, 直到她停止思考 until she couldn't think 無(wú)法呼吸 瀕臨死亡 or breathe or stand to be alive. 克服并非易事 茱爾絲 This is hard, Jules. 你一定可以挺過(guò)去 You're going to get through it, okay? 但她不僅討厭自己的大腦 She didn't just hate her brain, though. 她還討厭自己的身體 但不是每個(gè)部位都討厭 She hated her body, not every part, 只討厭肩膀 手臂 just her shoulders, and her arms, 雙手 and her hands. 還有胸部 腹部 大腿 Also her chest, her stomach, her thighs. 她最討厭膝蓋了 Her knees were the worst. 還很討厭腳踝和肥大的雙腳 Plus her ankles, and her big, fucking, stupid feet. 她討厭自己的人生 并非因?yàn)檫^(guò)得不好 She hated her life, not because it was bad, 而是因?yàn)?痛恨自己的大腦和身體之人 but because when you hate your brain and your body, 很難享受人生

每當(dāng)她被虐得很慘時(shí)... And whenever anything got too uncomfortable... 茱爾絲就假裝自己靈魂出竅 Jules would just imagine that she wasn't really herself, 她其實(shí)在旁觀別人的生活 and this wasn't really her life. 她只是虛構(gòu)作品中的一個(gè)虛構(gòu)人物 She was just a character in a book or a movie or a show. 一切都是假象 即便是真 又能如何呢 That none of it was real, and if it was, how did it matter? 這具身體本就不屬于她 It's not like her body ever really belonged to her in the first place.

我沒(méi)有特別喜歡的事情 There's nothing I'm really passionate about. 沒(méi)有非要做或說(shuō)的事 You know, like, I'm not dying to say or do anything, really. 每次我向大家坦露心跡 And every time I admit that to people, 他們都會(huì)覺(jué)得這樣很可悲 但是... they're like, "Oh, my gosh, that's so sad." But... 我覺(jué)得多數(shù)人都是如此 I think that's the case for most people. 我媽是如此 You know? Like, when I look at my mom or... 我同學(xué)也是如此 like, the kids at my school-- 從他們社交媒體上的動(dòng)態(tài)就能看出來(lái) like, their profiles or their posts and their Tumblr rants... 大家也都過(guò)得稀里糊涂 迷茫無(wú)助 you realize they're all just fucked up, too... and lost. 只是他們都得掩飾真相... They just have a reason to mask it... 為了不讓家人擔(dān)憂(yōu) whether it be, like, their, their families 拴住男友 博取關(guān)注 or their boyfriends or their hashtag activism. 他們都只是借助表面的光鮮亮麗 And they're just reaching for something -粉飾人生的虛無(wú) -小茹... - to make it all seem meaningfu

麥迪從小就很了解自己 Maddy knew who she was from a very early age. 從麥迪記事以來(lái) 她就是萬(wàn)人迷 For as long as Maddy could remember, everybody loved her.

她不知自己為何受歡迎 She never knew exactly what it was. 她只知道自己很特殊 She just knew that she had something special, 氣質(zhì)迷幻朦朧 something intangible, 魅力無(wú)人能及 something immeasurable.

她因此充滿(mǎn)自信 And it gave her confidence

她也是因此熱愛(ài)選美 That's why she loved pageantry, 因?yàn)楣谲姴槐厝菝矁A城 高挑精干 because you didn't have to be the prettiest or the tallest 也不必金發(fā)碧眼 膚如凝脂 or the blondest or the whitest. 自信閃耀就夠了

You just had to have fucking confidence.嘉年華當(dāng)晚 和盧克·卡斯滕打炮時(shí) So the night of the carnival, while fucking Luke Kasten, 凱特頓悟了 Kat had an epiphany. 她居然上了盧克·卡斯滕 She was fucking Luke Kasten, 那他媽可是盧克·卡斯滕啊 Luke motherfucking Kasten. 沒(méi)上過(guò)東高的人可能不知道... And for those of you who didn't go to East Highland... 盧克·卡斯滕可是男神 Luke Kasten was a fucking god. 他畢業(yè)多年 可學(xué)校里依然有他的傳說(shuō) I mean, he graduated years ago and people still talk about him. 他有我見(jiàn)過(guò)最大的雞雞 He has the biggest dick I've ever seen, 他上我時(shí) 我一直盯著他看 and I was looking at him while he was fucking me. 他射精時(shí) I could see his face scrunching up 我看到他的臉皺成一團(tuán) when he was coming all over my stomach, 我突然就頓悟了 and I had this, like, realization, you know, like, this epiphany. 無(wú)論這個(gè)人有多酷帥性感 That no matter how cool, or, or sexy 不論他在你眼中有多聰明 or, or smart you think a guy is, 其實(shí)都卑微渺小得可悲可憐 they're actually just fucking pathetic.

我一直試圖減弱自己的存在感 my whole life, all I've tried to do is to take up less space.

企圖避開(kāi)那幫男人 Try to hide from guys, like, who might, like, 因?yàn)槲医?jīng)過(guò)時(shí) 他們會(huì)對(duì)朋友悄悄吐槽 whisper to their friend under their breath as I walked by. 我這一生 I've spent my whole life 都在擔(dān)心大家會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我是個(gè)胖妞 afraid people were gonna find out that I was fat. 但說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà) 根本沒(méi)人在意 But honestly, who gives a shit?

無(wú)所畏懼的胖女孩所向披靡 There's nothing more powerful than a fat girl who doesn't give a fuck.

高中的情誼轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝 并非天長(zhǎng)地久 Nothing in high school lasts forever. 你該見(jiàn)見(jiàn)她 You should meet her.

Are you kidding me? 你被罰下了 You're out of the game. 沖動(dòng)就會(huì)輸球 You get emotional, you lose. 動(dòng)怒就會(huì)輸球 You get angry, you lose. -爸 他說(shuō)我是... -無(wú)關(guān)緊要 - Dad, he called me-- - I don't give a good goddamn. 你覺(jué)得他為什么偏偏說(shuō)你呢 Why do you think he's talking to you in the first place? -因?yàn)樗?.. -因?yàn)樗爰づ?- Because he-- - Because he's trying to get a rise out of you. 擾亂你的思緒 讓你分心 Trying to make you upset, lose focus. 他在挑戰(zhàn)你的底線(xiàn) 這就是生存法則 That's his game. That's the world's game. 他們不斷逼你 They want to push on you, 逗弄你 考驗(yàn)?zāi)愕臉O限 Poke on you, see exactly how much you can take. 極限會(huì)決定你能走多遠(yuǎn) And how much you can take is what will ultimately define you. 因?yàn)閼?yīng)對(duì)之道可以衡量人的品性 Because the measure of a man is in how he reacts. 我該如何應(yīng)對(duì) How am I supposed to react? 將自己的所有情緒 By taking everything you feel, 挫敗感 憤怒 狂暴 all your frustrations, your anger, your rage, 統(tǒng)統(tǒng)收起 you bottle it up, 守住本心 you take your position, 當(dāng)情緒累積至頂峰 and when that snap comes, 將其化作噴薄而出的動(dòng)力 you let it explode.

她幾乎每次都會(huì)心軟答應(yīng) And she almost always said yes. 盡管她很不情愿 也會(huì)照做 Even though it didn't always make her feel good. 她知道 多數(shù)男生跟她分手后 And she knew that most guys, after she broke up with them, 都會(huì)散播她的性愛(ài)視頻和裸照

would always share those photos or videos. 她剛發(fā)現(xiàn)時(shí) 恐慌心悸 The first time she found out, she had a panic attack, 她甚至想吞撲熱息痛自殺 and wanted to swallow a whole bottle of Tylenol. 但最終打消了自殺的念頭 But she didn't. 因?yàn)榇蠹翼敹嘌哉Z(yǔ)上對(duì)她諷刺挖苦 Because, I mean, what's the worst thing anybody could say to her? 無(wú)非就是嘲笑她給渣男口交而已 That she gave a blowjob to a guy who didn't deserve it? 而且 她覺(jué)得等到畢業(yè)求職那會(huì)兒 And she figured by the time she was out of college and looking for a job, 絕大多數(shù)人都有過(guò)裸照的黑歷史了 99 percent of the population would have leaked nudes, anyway.

一想到要站起來(lái) The thought of having to stand up, 移動(dòng)35英尺 每走一步要調(diào)動(dòng)172塊肌肉 exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet, 就為了坐在冰涼的陶瓷坐便器上 just so I can sit on cold porcelain 日復(fù)一日地排出體內(nèi)毒素 and piss out toxins over and over again for the rest of my life 我就覺(jué)得人生是一個(gè)漫長(zhǎng)且磨人的玩笑 makes the whole concept of living feel like one long, sadistic joke. 但抑郁最磨人的一點(diǎn)是 But the absolute worst part of depression 你明知自己抑郁了 is that even though you know you're depressed, 卻依然無(wú)可救藥地越陷越深 you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse

抑郁的另一癥狀就是 The other thing about depression is 讓人喪失時(shí)間概念 it kind of collapses time. 突然之間 全部記憶混雜交織 Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together 無(wú)窮無(wú)盡 令人窒息 to create one endless and suffocating loop. 抑郁后 人會(huì)試圖回想愉悅的瞬間 So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. 但大腦會(huì)一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)蠶食欣快的回憶 But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. 最終 And eventually, 腦中僅剩人生中沉悶壓抑的記憶 all you can think about is how life has always been this way. 人就會(huì)日漸消沉 And will only continue to be this way.

曾經(jīng)有個(gè)心理醫(yī)生說(shuō) 我壓抑的狀態(tài)會(huì)起起落落 I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane. 我媽因此松了一口氣 Which gave my mother relief, 因?yàn)榫退阄曳覆×?because it meant that in the bad times, 總也會(huì)好起來(lái) there would be good times. 但她也因此焦灼難安 But it also gave her anxiety 因?yàn)榫退阄乙粫r(shí)沒(méi)事 because it meant that in the good times, 總也有抑郁發(fā)作的一天 there would be bad times. 我一直很不解 It always confused me, 因?yàn)槲也欢?quot;起落"的意思 because I didn't really know what it meant. 但聽(tīng)起來(lái)比我自己的形容更讓人安心 But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it. 我得繼續(xù)服藥 There you go. How you feel? Okay? 我知道你現(xiàn)在很低落 寶貝 I know you're feeling low right now, baby. 但你沒(méi)有故態(tài)復(fù)萌 說(shuō)明你的癥狀有所緩解 But the fact that you didn't turn back means you're gettin' better. 沒(méi)錯(cuò) It does. 一定是這樣 It does. 當(dāng)然了 我之后才領(lǐng)悟到 Granted, I didn't realize until later "起起落落"的真正含義 what waxing and waning implied. 抑郁無(wú)法根除 會(huì)反復(fù)發(fā)作 That these feelings were fixed and constant 我的余生都將與抑郁作伴 and would never end for the rest of my life.

我住院觀察了三天 And kept me there for three days. 其實(shí)住院可好了 It was actually really nice. 我超喜歡醫(yī)院 I love hospitals. 要是余生都能在醫(yī)院度過(guò) 我絕對(duì)沒(méi)意見(jiàn) If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I would. 因?yàn)樽≡簳r(shí) Because when you're in a hospital, 可以做個(gè)米蟲(chóng) you have zero responsibilities. 醫(yī)護(hù)人員會(huì)保證你吃飽睡好 身體棒棒 They make sure you eat, sleep, stay hydrated, 如遇不測(cè) 醫(yī)生總能及時(shí)出現(xiàn) and if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby. 謝謝 Thank you. 發(fā)生大規(guī)模槍擊案時(shí) 待在醫(yī)院最明智了 It's also the best place to be in the event of a mass shooting, 只要外科醫(yī)生沒(méi)死光光就行 unless the gunman kills all the surgeons. 關(guān)鍵是 我在醫(yī)院無(wú)憂(yōu)無(wú)慮 The point is, I had zero anxiety.

我昨晚寫(xiě)信時(shí) and as I sat down last night to write it, 忍不住回想你出生那天的場(chǎng)景 I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born. 我第一次將你抱入臂彎 Holding you in my arms for the first time, 憐愛(ài)地看著你 looking down at you, 看著你可愛(ài)動(dòng)人的小臉 your sweet, beautiful face... 我這輩子從未如此充滿(mǎn)愛(ài)意 歡欣愉悅 I had never felt so much love and joy in my entire life. 于是我想到... And I thought that... 若是那一刻 有人能提醒我該多好 what if in that moment I heard a voice, 通曉萬(wàn)物的人生旁白對(duì)我低語(yǔ) some omniscient narrator who said, "接下來(lái)將會(huì)如此" "Here's what's going to happen. "你的女兒將會(huì)風(fēng)趣幽默 聰明伶俐 開(kāi)朗大方" "Your daughter is gonna be funny, and smart, and outgoing, "她的靈氣從小便會(huì)顯現(xiàn)" You'll see it instantly, from a young age." "她將會(huì)魅力四射 廣交朋友" "She'll be charismatic and make friends easily." "她將會(huì)溫柔善良 心思細(xì)膩" "She'll be kind and sensitive. "細(xì)膩到敏感" "Maybe too sensitive. "她不會(huì)是個(gè)乖乖女" "She won't be an easy child. "她會(huì)很叛逆" She'll struggle." "因此 你將很難看懂她" "And in turn, you'll struggle to understand her." "你將跟不上她的思維" "To understand what's going on inside of her head. "無(wú)法理解那些難以擺脫的夢(mèng)魘" "The night terrors that can't be interrupted. "很多時(shí)候 晚飯后" "The times after dinner where "她會(huì)坐在餐桌旁" "She'll just sit at the kitchen table "一遍遍數(shù)著天花板磚的數(shù)量and count the tiles over and over, "數(shù)到自己上氣不接下氣" "Until she hyperventilates. "你會(huì)用盡全力擁她入懷 安慰她" "To fight to hold her in your arms, to tell her it's okay." "你們將難以平靜 她會(huì)摔打東西 大吼大叫" "To calm down. The kicking. The screaming. "她會(huì)害怕受傷" "The anxiety of being harmed. "她會(huì)日夜煎熬" "The transitions from day to night, "從家中到學(xué)校 每頓飯皆是如此" "From home to school, from meal to meal. "她會(huì)擔(dān)心失去父母和妹妹" Of losing her mother or father or little sister." "她害怕會(huì)孤苦伶仃" - "Of being alone." 我很喜歡她 I really like her. "她會(huì)恐慌發(fā)作 情緒波動(dòng) 迷惑不解 精神分裂" "The panic attacks, mood swings, confusion, disorganization "她會(huì)憤怒狂躁" "And all that rage. "不僅生你的氣 也會(huì)惱恨自己" "Not just at you, but at herself. "最煎熬的是..." "And the tough part i "她無(wú)法自救 而你也將束手無(wú)策" "you'll feel as helpless to help her as she does herself." "你將犯下大大小小的錯(cuò)誤" "You'll make mistakes. Small ones and big ones. "你會(huì)慌忙求助 病急亂投醫(yī)" "You'll look for help from people who aren't helpful. "你求助之人或許根本不了解情況" "Or who don't actually understand what's happening." "內(nèi)疚感將因此伴你終生" "And the guilt will never leave you." "但若你保持鎮(zhèn)定 溫柔耐心" "But if you remain calm and patient, "若你能仔細(xì)聆聽(tīng)" "If you listen closely, "你便能漸漸理解她" "理解她為何重復(fù)地?cái)?shù)了一遍又一遍" "The counting, the repetition, "理解她對(duì)于對(duì)稱(chēng)的執(zhí)著" "the need for symmetry. "若你睡前親吻了她的左臉" "That if you kiss her left cheek before bed, "一定也要親吻她的右臉" "You have to kiss her right cheek. "還有額頭 下巴" "And her forehead. Then her chin. "因?yàn)檫@樣才平衡穩(wěn)定" "That it's about balance, stability. "這樣她才能疏導(dǎo)情緒 捋順?biāo)季w" "The need to organize her feelings and thoughts, so... "這樣她才能平靜下來(lái)" she can breathe easier." "你將得到片刻的喘息" "And there will be moments of relief, "你們倆都能松一口氣" "In her and in you. "這些時(shí)刻平靜安寧 順心滿(mǎn)足" "Moments that feel so normal, and calm, and rewarding that... "你會(huì)希望平淡的幸福能夠天長(zhǎng)地久" "You'll find yourself praying they last forever. "可她還小" "Even though she's only a child, "糟心事還在后面呢 "And all the hard parts have yet to even come. "16歲時(shí)" "And at the age of 16, "她會(huì)吸毒過(guò)量" "She'll overdose, "昏迷四天" "Spend four days in a coma, "生死未卜" "And you won't know if she'll live or die. "但等她醒來(lái)" "But when she wakes up, "她會(huì)有機(jī)會(huì)戒毒" "She'll be given the opportunity to get clean, "改過(guò)自新" "To become a different person, "完善自己" "A better person. "但有一點(diǎn)你無(wú)能為力" "Here's the toughest part. "不論你怎么說(shuō) 怎么做 怎么想" "No matter what you say, or do, or wish, "決定權(quán)都在她手中" "The decision will be all hers. "你只能心懷希望" "And all you can do is hope "希望她能給自己一個(gè)重新來(lái)過(guò)的機(jī)會(huì)"

凱特 Kat. 萬(wàn)一現(xiàn)在就是我們?nèi)松母吖鈺r(shí)刻呢 What if these are, like, the big moments in life? 我媽總說(shuō) Like, my mom always talks about 高中是她人生的里程碑式高光時(shí)刻 how high school was like this big, monumental part of her life. 可她都半老徐娘了 居然還對(duì)高中念念不忘 But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back at this, like, "Wow." 因?yàn)槎鄶?shù)人在高中達(dá)到了人生巔峰 Yeah, but that's because most people peak in high school. 我肯定還沒(méi)達(dá)到巔峰... I definitely haven't peaked, so... 我感覺(jué)自己還沒(méi)長(zhǎng)大呢 I feel like I'm not even a person yet. 我也就攀登到巔峰的四分之一吧 Yeah, I'm definitely at, like, 25 percent peakness. 我好像達(dá)到巔峰了 I feel like I'm at a hundred. 但我還能升得更高 But I can definitely get to 150. 講真 我都沒(méi)想到自己能撐到現(xiàn)在 Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far. 什么意思 What do you mean? 我總是提心吊膽 惶惶不安 I don't know. I just always had, like, this overwhelming anxiety 我總覺(jué)得一定會(huì)出事 that something bad would happen. 說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà) 去年夏天 In all fairness, last summer, 我有三周一直以為你死了 there were, like, three weeks where I thought you were dead.

文章首發(fā)工號(hào)：是羅小帥啊（ysdlxs44）

世道不好 怪我何用

在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的催化下，如今的00后所接受到的信息體量，無(wú)疑是巨大的。

青春期是青少年尋找自我的一個(gè)重要時(shí)期，對(duì)世界的初步認(rèn)知來(lái)源除了周?chē)吮闶腔ヂ?lián)網(wǎng)，這樣難免會(huì)出現(xiàn)誤入歧途的情況。

人在時(shí)代的洪流下，大多只是隨波逐流的浮萍，能夠在洪流中保持自我已是不易。

HBO最新推出的E級(jí)青春劇《Euphoria》（迷醉），一上線(xiàn)便引來(lái)了眾多美國(guó)父母的抵制，劇中吸毒、性愛(ài)、強(qiáng)奸等場(chǎng)面眾多。

在劇中會(huì)看到一群頹廢到極點(diǎn)的美國(guó)青年生活，劇中的青少年哪個(gè)不是這個(gè)時(shí)代洪流下隨波逐流的浮萍，逃避讓人焦慮的現(xiàn)實(shí)生活，試圖用頹廢的態(tài)度消極生活的意義。

01

故事從小茹（Rue）的視角展開(kāi)，出生在“911事件”后的第三天，父母在未經(jīng)過(guò)小茹本人的允許下，來(lái)到了這個(gè)動(dòng)蕩不安的世界。

小茹因?yàn)閺?qiáng)迫癥、焦慮癥、抑郁癥一直在吃藥，周遭的環(huán)境也是讓小茹煩心不止。

男孩子發(fā)送的性騷擾短信，各種操蛋的事情，都加劇了小茹對(duì)世界的焦慮感。

壓抑、焦慮的生活總需要一個(gè)口子釋放，小茹染上了毒癮，靠毒品擺脫現(xiàn)實(shí)的煩惱。

即便是去戒毒所也是走走過(guò)程，根本沒(méi)想過(guò)真的戒毒。

在美國(guó)這樣大麻部分州開(kāi)始合法化的國(guó)家，毒品的泛濫，吸毒群體趨向于年輕化，這些都給這個(gè)國(guó)家蒙上了一層陰影。

美國(guó)疾控中心發(fā)布的報(bào)告顯示，從2003年到2013年，美國(guó)12歲以上吸食過(guò)海洛因的人數(shù)增長(zhǎng)了63%，同時(shí)美國(guó)也是全球毒品最大的市場(chǎng)。

毒品在這個(gè)國(guó)家的泛濫程度在影視劇上也有體現(xiàn)，這并不是駭人聽(tīng)聞，現(xiàn)實(shí)更加魔幻。

造成美國(guó)毒品泛濫的原因離不開(kāi)社會(huì)的浮躁，同時(shí)國(guó)家?guī)装倌隁v史很難能撐起這樣一個(gè)多種族的社會(huì)。

在資本主義社會(huì)背景下，近幾年的階層固化嚴(yán)重，拜金主義盛行，年輕人有野心卻沒(méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)的能力，政府未做到正確的引導(dǎo)，喪成了逃避現(xiàn)實(shí)的借口，毒品成了逃避現(xiàn)實(shí)的方式。

這個(gè)時(shí)候不得不提一句，中國(guó)在經(jīng)歷過(guò)鴉片戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)后，對(duì)毒品的打擊和毒品危害的宣傳做得相當(dāng)?shù)煤?，以史為鑒才能走得更遠(yuǎn)。

小茹這樣的角色，只是許多誤入歧途的青年們的一個(gè)縮影，染上毒癮毀了自己以及家庭，渴望回歸正常生活，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己越陷越深。

02

茱爾絲，一位打著雌性激素的跨性別女孩。

才搬來(lái)小茹的社區(qū)不久，喜歡青春艷麗的超短裙裝扮。

茱爾絲的角色相較于小茹來(lái)說(shuō)，更加得悲情。

渴望被愛(ài)，卻難得理解，在陌生的環(huán)境中被欺負(fù)后只能用極端的方式保護(hù)自己。

作為跨性別者，茱爾絲在后續(xù)的劇情里肯定還會(huì)遭受到更多的坎坷。

茱爾絲約到了一位喜歡跨性別者的大叔，在不知道大叔是不是殺人狂的情況下，仍然奔赴小旅館。

結(jié)果這位大叔是在聚會(huì)上欺負(fù)自己的內(nèi)特的父親。

不知道這個(gè)伏筆會(huì)引出怎樣的故事。

就在聚會(huì)上，小茹和茱爾絲第二次相遇了，第一次在小茹從戒毒所回家的路上。

聚會(huì)上茱爾絲面對(duì)內(nèi)特對(duì)自己無(wú)理由的咄咄逼人，二話(huà)不說(shuō)直接上刀，這樣的舉動(dòng)嚇壞了在場(chǎng)的眾人，都說(shuō)只有同病相憐的人才會(huì)惺惺相惜。

在茱爾絲準(zhǔn)備回家的時(shí)候，小茹追了出來(lái)。

一頓操作猛如虎，初次見(jiàn)面的小茹跟著茱爾絲回家了。

接下來(lái)的畫(huà)面鏡頭可以說(shuō)是整集最唯美平和的。

小茹從后抱著茱爾絲的后背，露出了久違的安靜。

夜晚將時(shí)間拉長(zhǎng)，也將這份久違的安靜裝進(jìn)了小茹和茱爾絲的水晶球里。

這幾年對(duì)LGBT群體的認(rèn)同，成了美國(guó)政治正確的事，但歧視LGBT群體的情況仍然存在，很多保守基督教徒甚至認(rèn)為自己有對(duì)LGBT群體言語(yǔ)攻擊的言論自由。

在這個(gè)國(guó)家，LGBT群體需要走的路還很漫長(zhǎng)。

03

《Euphoria》的劇情目前看來(lái)很簡(jiǎn)單，不過(guò)劇情才出了第一集，很難去評(píng)判，不過(guò)能夠看到的目前這部劇的質(zhì)感還不錯(cuò)。

很多人看完這部劇覺(jué)得劇中在鼓吹這種糜爛頹廢的生活，其實(shí)不是。

如果你看到視頻最后，會(huì)看到這部劇打出

“if you or someone you love needs help , text Eurphoria to 741741 or visit EurphoriaResources.com”

青春期本是探尋自我價(jià)值的重要階段，出現(xiàn)偏差無(wú)可厚非，難的是在這段時(shí)期里沒(méi)有得到正確的引導(dǎo)。

劇中一群男孩圍著分享女孩的裸照、凱特為了破處而破處、麥凱模仿色情片中的虐待情節(jié)。

劇中許多情節(jié)都折射出了當(dāng)下美國(guó)青年所陷入的成長(zhǎng)困境，頹、喪成了這部劇目前的主基調(diào)。

生而為人，我很抱歉，但請(qǐng)別放棄我。

◆◆◆◆◆

是羅小帥啊

有趣、有料、有態(tài)度

微信公眾號(hào)：是羅小帥啊

喜歡的話(huà)，點(diǎn)個(gè)“在看”

沒(méi)想到都這把年紀(jì)了，歐美青春片的情情愛(ài)愛(ài)我還是磕得甘之如飴。有可能是因?yàn)樽约旱某砷L(zhǎng)也不算循規(guī)蹈矩吧，常常感覺(jué)自己都沒(méi)長(zhǎng)大，內(nèi)心還是青春期的狀態(tài)，所以這些片基本都能很大程度共情。 關(guān)于這個(gè)劇，也是拖了很久才開(kāi)始看，目前第一季快磕完了，感覺(jué)它應(yīng)該就是老美fancy版的皮囊，但是不得不說(shuō)，十幾年過(guò)去皮囊還是我心中的經(jīng)典，我好像會(huì)偏愛(ài)那種英倫原始場(chǎng)景下的青春叛逆，畢竟更貼近生活也更能產(chǎn)生共鳴，好像熒幕前的看客真的有可能是他們中的一員。而亢奮太過(guò)凌亂以及過(guò)多裸露鏡頭多少讓我產(chǎn)生不適，我是絕不會(huì)有錯(cuò)覺(jué)自己會(huì)是其一的，而非要說(shuō)它的經(jīng)典，可能是眼妝吧:)anyway我也沒(méi)去過(guò)美國(guó)，不知道老美高中生上課真的會(huì)搞得這么浮夸嗎，如果是真的那我真的瑟瑟發(fā)抖。 哦對(duì)了，有一個(gè)設(shè)定我原本是接受無(wú)能的，就是身為trans的Jules后來(lái)跟Rue墜入愛(ài)河(沒(méi)看劇前就在社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)被劇透知道她們是一對(duì)了，當(dāng)下的我簡(jiǎn)直瞳孔地震，本來(lái)以為自己已經(jīng)非常open-minded，但還是嚇到退后三步，主要是沒(méi)想到能有一個(gè)大熱劇的主角會(huì)是這樣的關(guān)系)，結(jié)果看到半程我就全盤(pán)接受了，有可能是因?yàn)镴ules太美眼神太純真，美到我忘了這一切是否合理，美到她各式各樣五花八門(mén)天馬行空的眼妝也很可愛(ài)，美到她明明大高個(gè)也會(huì)覺(jué)得小鳥(niǎo)依人想給她打錢(qián)，美到作為女生我也被迷得七葷八素，and Rue莫名1得也很合理(我印象中Zendaya就是個(gè)精致的花瓶，沒(méi)想到褪去妝容做叛逆小妹居然合適得不行，她真的算是這個(gè)角色不二人選吧，我甚至覺(jué)得這是不是她本色出演，畢竟看她的采訪(fǎng)也蠻像磕過(guò)藥的)?？傊橹茏屓烁杏X(jué)吸食了精神毒品的BGM，什么都可以，什么都盡管拍吧，我都可以理解!另外，暫時(shí)沒(méi)打算寫(xiě)對(duì)其他人物的評(píng)價(jià)，因?yàn)閷?shí)在還沒(méi)共情，也許等我把所有都看完了再來(lái)更新吧:) 但講真，如果你是00左右的小孩沒(méi)看過(guò)皮囊，快去看看吧，特別是前四季，再往后可以忽略不計(jì)了，那波演員實(shí)在喜歡不起來(lái)，簡(jiǎn)直就是來(lái)毀經(jīng)典的，但前幾季真的好!看!到!不!行!導(dǎo)致我到現(xiàn)在講英文都偏英式，想來(lái)應(yīng)該是那會(huì)兒被影響至骨髓，劇中的不管是情結(jié)、文化、音樂(lè)還是氛圍我都太身臨其境并且深?lèi)?ài)至腦殘了，而且我保證打扮沒(méi)有年代感，英國(guó)佬好像上下幾十年都差不多(just kidding)，and每個(gè)人都有自己的可愛(ài)之處，每個(gè)人也都支離破碎得很讓人心痛又同理心爆炸，反正人物刻畫(huà)鮮活又自然，你會(huì)有錯(cuò)覺(jué)他們就是有血有肉站在身邊的人，更有甚者會(huì)在關(guān)上屏幕往后很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間(對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)一兩年跑不掉)都掉進(jìn)片子的情緒中，like會(huì)跟著他們的愛(ài)戀愉悅，跟著他們逃避生活，有人失去生命亦會(huì)絕望悲痛……而這些年，我還是會(huì)三不五時(shí)翻出來(lái)看看，雖然不會(huì)再有小時(shí)候那種因?yàn)楫?dāng)下環(huán)境類(lèi)似而產(chǎn)生的共鳴了，但還是免不了大型感嘆，特別是Effy做主角那兩季真的會(huì)立刻心痛到落淚(可能有點(diǎn)夸張)，感覺(jué)小時(shí)候的自己就是她(沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我就是覺(jué)自己是一個(gè)另類(lèi)神經(jīng)病美呂)，

Effy還有皮囊我最?lèi)?ài)的兩季海報(bào)

進(jìn)而想起一堆往事:年少時(shí)玩了七八年樂(lè)隊(duì)，性格擰巴內(nèi)向自閉，整天頂著煙熏妝泡在哥特音樂(lè)中，一天天不干正事就躲在排練房寫(xiě)寫(xiě)歌落落淚，傷春悲秋，推開(kāi)相愛(ài)的人，完全不相信好事會(huì)發(fā)生，更沒(méi)辦法接受一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)不安全感，寧愿什么都沒(méi)有也不要給人拿捏自己的機(jī)會(huì)，那陣子身邊都是一起搗鼓音樂(lè)的小哥們，記憶中也有喜歡我的，但由于鄙人當(dāng)時(shí)內(nèi)心過(guò)度破爛不堪，誰(shuí)都不能接近(感情層面)，反而他們總帶著我一起深夜酗酒什么的，變成了我放爛路上的墊腳石，到最后整得自己更難受。然后……家庭也不如意，父母關(guān)系不融洽又強(qiáng)撐導(dǎo)致我更畏懼這個(gè)世界……但有兩個(gè)片段我一直覺(jué)得很溫暖并且一直保存在腦海，片段一:出國(guó)念書(shū)前一天，小伙伴其一的小哥扭扭捏捏拿了把吉他來(lái)送我，還唱了首歌，但是是什么歌忘掉了，完了便扭扭捏捏離去;片段二:有個(gè)朋友給我彈唱過(guò)一首歌，叫wild world，是皮囊的插曲，我沒(méi)有印象他是否是因?yàn)槠つ也艑W(xué)的，還是巧合，但是個(gè)很有溫度的片段就對(duì)了，還有我記憶深刻也是因?yàn)橛幸淮为?dú)自站在異國(guó)他鄉(xiāng)的街頭，回想起那個(gè)彈唱的瞬間，還有歌詞，那種無(wú)助和孤獨(dú)感突然從四面八方像圍墻一樣向我倒過(guò)來(lái)，真的不哭不是中國(guó)人，在這里我決定列幾句最刺痛的詞: Now that I've lost everything to you You say you wanna start something new And it's breaking my heart you're leaving Baby, I'm grieving But if you wanna leave,take good care Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there Ooh,baby,baby, it's a wild world It`s hard to get by just upon a smile Ooh,baby,baby, it's a wild world I'll always remember you like a child,girl 唉，現(xiàn)在想想，也就這樣吧，都過(guò)來(lái)了，只是那個(gè)時(shí)期和皮囊的孩子們一起長(zhǎng)大而滋生的擰巴怕是這輩子都會(huì)伴隨左右了。 咦，不好意思!我感覺(jué)我好像走錯(cuò)片場(chǎng)，竟然在亢奮的地頭讓皮囊借尸還魂，還大型回憶過(guò)去……失敬失敬……抱歉! 好了!最后!我給亢奮4星，本來(lái)想要給3.5星，但看在各式眼妝的面子上再加0.5，不保證后續(xù)看完會(huì)不會(huì)扣分哦！但是我還會(huì)來(lái)叨逼叨的:)

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Frez真的不停讓我想起心碎男孩Mac Miller。他真的太單純太可愛(ài)了，連我都想跟他談戀愛(ài)。