To my dear beautiful daughter,
I'm writing you a letter, that's right, a good old fashioned letter. It's a lost art really, like handjobs...Shit. I have a confession to make: I didn't like you very much at first. You were just this little annoying little blob, you smelled nice, most of the time. But you didn't seem to have much interest in me, which of course I found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world, funny how some things never change. So I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don’t remember the exact moment everything changed. I just know that it did. One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me, the next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense and painful experience of my life. In fact it's been almost too much to bear. As your father, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world. Never realized I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. When I flash forward, my heart breaks. Mostly because I can't imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride. How could you? Your father is a child in a man's body, he cares for nothing and everything at the same time, noble in thought weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It's getting dark, too dark to see...

還清楚地記得看完第一季時的欣喜,帶著眼淚,微笑著看著穿著婚紗的Karen跳進Hank的車里,三個人開心地就像童話故事...
當時心里真的不知道有多感謝仁慈的編劇,雖然劇中那么曲折,但結尾卻美的讓人甚至懷疑是出現(xiàn)了幻覺.
那時候甚至還覺得,這只不過是個臺詞很睿智的討巧的俗套故事.
...
看這個劇的整個過程都在虐心...每次看到Karen和Hank和好的時候,都精神緊張,因為這種美好的假象很快就會被打破,而每次的爆發(fā)都會比上一次更加慘烈.一次又一次的打擊,都是對堅持的無情考驗. 就像Hank說的,I can't keep apologizing for something I can't change. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to become someone that you can love again. 始終是這樣的,現(xiàn)在的感情一如當初兩人初在一起時的樣子,我相信一直都沒有變,doesn't matter how she's mad at him, at least she knows that he's out there and that someday she will see him again.

很喜歡那個一個回憶的片段,兩個人初識,在得知Karen懷孕了之后,hank留下的那封信,淡淡的只言片語...
Dear Karen,

If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don't know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I'll just say it,

I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, I wasn't one that make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance acquired.

She is you Karen, that's the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It's a big bad world full of twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could've changed everything.

I don't know what's going on with us and I can't tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me!

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

眼淚留下的時候,我自己都沒發(fā)覺...
S4開始Hank就因為內疚,本來想麻痹自己內心,但卻因為 ill effects of selfmedicating在迷迷糊糊的傷痛中寫下了給becca的信...

To my dear beautiful daughter.

I'm writing you a letter,that's right,a good old fashioned letter.
It's a lost art really,like handjobs...Shit.(then canceled this line)
I have a confession to make:
I didn't like you very much at first
You were just this little annoying little blob,
You smelled nice,most of the time.
But you didn't seem to have much interest in me.
Which of course I found vaguely insulting.
It was just you and your mom against the world,funny how somethings never change.
So I cruised along,doing my thing,acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you.
And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed.
I just know that it did.
One minute I was impenetrable,nothing could touch me,
the next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest,exposed to the elements.
Loving you has been the most profound,intense and painful experience of my life.
In fact it's been almost too much to bear.
As your father,I made a silent vow to protect you from the world.
Never realised I was the one who would end up hurting you the most.
When I flash forward my heart breaks.
Mostly because I can't imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride.
How could you?
Your father is a child in a man's body,he cares for nothing and everything at the same time.
Noble in thought weak in action.
Something has to change,something has to give.
It's getting dark,too dark to see...
本沒想到S4一開始就煽情,但接下來就猶如傷口還沒愈合又撕裂開來一般痛苦...看著Hank無言地轉身,看著心愛的人就在咫尺,而撩動發(fā)梢的人不是自己時,那一刻眼神低垂,說不盡的痛楚此刻都糾結在心頭了.

I will go if you ask me to...
I will stay if you dare...



(一季就糾結這么一個trial...真讓人無語~)
...
...

S4結束了,
Hank在法庭上出現(xiàn)幻覺那一刻,想著自己穿著號服,關在鐵籠子里的樣子,有那么一秒,穿越到了Agent Mulder,
原來那一刻,暴露了Hank其實無比脆弱的防線,聽到3年的字樣就已經(jīng)支撐不住了,可這又怎么能怪他呢,他自己都說,我只是蜷在大人殼子里的孩子,管不住自己,不想硬撐,想改變,卻沒辦法發(fā)自內心.
所以,只追求自己想要的,

后面的'最后的晚餐'很是給力,發(fā)現(xiàn)每一季的最后一集都能點亮整個一季.everyone is telling the truth.
很贊這個晚餐上由Rob Lowe推動的高潮,其實charlie說的話不也正是hank想說的嘛
I slept with all those women,for what?!
for trying to forget her, but it's impossible.
so,I will always love her.
緊接著the baby,the stabbed,girl's fighting,the lonely aftermath of the chaos,一個接一個,很是過癮.

到這里,我覺得這一季的結尾已經(jīng)很圓滿,很點題了.
Ben下水救hank,hank腦子里想的是black jesus,這情節(jié)就好象S1開篇時候,hank做夢夢見在教堂里的ask for a hand job的bill;
ben就像一個年輕版的bill,帶著個叛逆搖滾范兒的mia...

hank開著車,帶著自己的打字機,開進海報的那一刻,不也就是S1開篇時候hank開著那輛破車,狂奔在公路上,急速駛過寫著Crazy Little Thing Called Love的映射嘛.

...

已經(jīng)一個輪回了哦,原來折騰了那么一大圈,他還在那里,她也始終沒有離開.
實在想不出S5會講些什么了.

P.S.喜歡hank在片場推到自己椅子的動作,這也是為什么一直迷hank的原因,
doesn't give a shit.
this is my story,this is my life.
you appreciate it, you don't,
it doesn't matter.

曾經(jīng)有過的最溫馨最快樂的時刻，那種感覺可以和兒時童年快樂一起銘記幾十年，帶入墳墓，每個人都有吧，雖然故事不盡相同。雖然現(xiàn)在一切都過去了，但追回，或者說重新找回，更確切的說重新建立那種快樂生活，并好好珍惜它，成為人生前進的唯一動力，我不知道這是不是個不切實際的幻想，就像未來的那淡淡的溫暖的陽光，時不時照在心底那塊朦朧區(qū)域，生活還這樣繼續(xù)， 我希望所希望的這點東西不是徒然。

隔了3年，又一次流下同樣的淚水，即便我練就刀槍不入，這無形的宿命殺手卻更狠狠地刺中我心。若3年后依然舊事重現(xiàn)，那這宿命論既是將我釘死在十字架的鐵釘。

晚上回來的時候雨開始下得很急，雨滴噼里啪啦的砸在車窗上，好像砸碎了自己就可以獲得新生一樣。我對司機師傅說：“能把副駕駛的雨刷也打開么？”，師傅尷尬的笑笑了說：“那邊的掉了?！笨粗挥晁谏w著有些模糊的燈光有些無奈的我下意識的掏出手機給一個人發(fā)了條短信：這個時候應該點一首《北京下雨了》。并不是想得到回應或是怎樣，只是覺得，這個時候的心情對方應該會懂的吧。
      莫名的就想起Hank Moody。想起第四季結束的時候他一個人開著車朝著看不到目的地的遠方駛去。那個時候的他在想些什么？是什么都沒有想還是在想念那個他注定忘不掉的女人。他對他的女兒說：“我有預感，這次你和你媽媽回來有什么就會改變了?！蔽也恢喇擧ank聽到自己最愛的女人要和另一個男人出去玩兒的時候是如何克制自己的。他的心里一定有什么東西倒塌了吧。你個混蛋，你怎么還能那么淡定，怎么能只是問了問是怎么回事？你最愛的女人要和別的男人出去了！他們牽手，他們親吻，他們上床。而你只能跟個傻逼似的自己把自己灌大。
可是，還能怎樣呢？你傷了她那么多次，你讓她失望了那么多次，她要的你都給不了。難道還不允許她去尋找自己的幸福嗎？你愛她，她愛你，又如何？
所以你開始酗酒，開始和各種各樣的女人上床。你想，也許喝大了就能忘記她了吧?？蓻]想到的是當你醉得不省人事的時候腦子里浮現(xiàn)出的都是她的身影。你想，也許和別的女人在一起和別的女人上床就能忘記她了吧。可沒想到的是當那個女人癱倒在你懷里的時候你滿腦子想的都是如果這個時候抱著的是她那該多好。
      總是會從Moody的身上看到自己的影子。所以看到Charlie在飯桌上為自己也是替Hank說出“I slept with all those women,for what?! for trying to forget her, but it's impossible. so,I will always love her.”的時候 心里像是被針扎一樣的難受。因為在某個深夜許久沒有聯(lián)系的她在qq上蹦出來問我在北京怎么樣。屏幕這邊的我壓抑住一切情感對她說還不錯，上班下班看個演出偶爾勾搭個姑娘。屏幕那邊的她只淡淡的說了一句小日子還不錯嘛。我知道一切都過去了。我知道無論我做什么也沒辦法拉回時間。我知道這個。我知道那個。我知道一切?？蔀槭裁串斘铱吹轿艺f出我覺得可以刺激到你的話你那淡淡的反應的時候我還是那么難過。
       其實Charlie的這番話只有經(jīng)歷過這種事情的人才明白包含著多大的愛吧。我知道這種行為也許很自私，也許對人不公平，也許得不到別人的理解?？墒菬o所謂。我只知道我在盡我的全力去忘記你?？墒俏以嚵诉@么久我還是忘不掉你，那么我只能繼續(xù)愛著你。這是現(xiàn)在我唯一能做的事情了，所以請不要剝奪它。
說起來，那天晚上她還問我，如果我結婚了怎么辦？我笑笑說還能怎么辦？忍了唄。要不你讓我怎么辦？你以為是在美國??！神父說如果沒有人不同意我就宣布這兩人正式結為夫妻的時候我站起來大聲說我不同意！然后拉著你的手就跑。搶婚都搶得那么拉風。你真以為我是Moody??！你結婚的時候我開著車沖進會場然后說Karen跟我走！你就穿著婚紗跳進車里我們兩個人頭也不回開離那座城市。
      別扯淡了。
      Moody愛著Karen。我愛著你。
      可Moody有編劇。
      我呢？我該拿你怎么辦。